spirituality as phony or real?
What a gut wrenching, heart-string breaking, bodymind contracting, faith questioning experience this life can be. Sometimes it’s like that, isn’t it? Hurdle after hurdle- jumping over the bumps on the track field. I thought all this baton passing action would be done with by now… where’s the finish line? Oh yeah, there isn’t one. Finish lines are illusions, cos once you get there- well then what? You expect it all to stop? No way— it just keeps going, chapter after chapter, revealing itself, unfolding into the next thing. It can be agonizing- this path, this whole life thing- especially if you’re one like me.
An oddball, a looney, a dreamer, one with long hair, a lover, an artist, a yogi, the type of weirdo that actually contemplates the concept of these following three words.
Follow. Your. Heart.
Follow your heart? To do what you actually love doing?? Imagine THAT! Society don’t like that very much. It’s frowned down upon. Especially in the United States. Think about it- what’s the collective majority’s definition for “The American Dream”? Who made that phrase up anyways? So weird. The United States definitely has its idiosyncrasies about what they feed their people. Well, I can only speak for myself. What they fed me.
I was never taught to walk my own path. I was taught to follow someone else’s. But good thing I woke up. I started to beat my own drum. My heart felt that buzz, that tingle, that pulse. Once the heart awakens, there is no turning back. So here I am to remind you to do the same thing. To keep on. To carry on. To keep your head up, keep all eyeballs (especially the one in between the brows) open and clear and trust in the eccentric and quirky play of this cosmic design.
Becoming legal to work and live in Indonesia has not necessarily been “easy.” Especially when I came down to zero funds and had to begin at ground zero. If you haven’t read my previous post, all of the cash I made in Mexico got stolen at the Hong Kong Airport. I arrived in Bali with a few hundred US in my bank account before the ATM machine at the Denpasar Airport ate it up. What the hell was in my field for me to create such an uprooting situation? That’s what I’ve been getting in to and purging out over the past few weeks. It was old. Really really old. Maybe even ancient. But I’m not too sure yet. Still exploring.
When asking my family for aide of any kind, the response was “If you want to walk your own way then do it without us. Leave us alone.” Now if that comment wasn’t apparent enough by now that they do not approve of my quest to heal the world—well, it’s quite clear by now. When I say I want to be like Gandhi, I’m serious. It’s not really a joke at all. They would much prefer that I live in America, go to a four year institution, receive a nice 8” x 11.5” piece of paper that informs myself and everyone else around me that I’ve done something with my life because the certificate darn well proves it, not have tattoos, cut my hair, wear jeans (maybe khakis) and polo shirts, wear make up, have medical insurance, have dental insurance, have life insurance, have death insurance, drive a nice car with air conditioning, live in a house and have a 9-5 job that comes with a bonus ever 2 years and a 401K. Oh they would love that so— and you know- act like any well behaved Korean American lady would.
Now the key word here is act. It’s sad. My family wants me to act instead of just supporting me to be. Now, I know their reasoning, I see why they say the things they do and I understand why they are the way that they are, but sorry to break the news, but I am not that. I’m the most unconventional person that I know. If it took me this long to accept that fact about me—imagine how long it’ll take for them. They think my life is a phase, a hobby, that this whole yoga and meditation thing is “cute” and healing the body through natural modalities is good for things like headaches, but not for anything serious— they don’t see it as a science, a technology for the human body to shift. To be honest, they don’t even know what that means.
I get it, I understand. A lot of people think this. They think this whole spirituality thing is a hoax, is some airy fairy whimsical aloof life living kind of situation. How do I speak to someone who is not open to a different perspective on what life is? One like this will never understand, will never see what it is that I actually do. It’s a challenge to communicate with one like this, isn’t it? I’m sure you have many people like this in or around the periphery of your life. I’m just using my experience as a small example. When the other is not willing to even communicate—they think they are, but in reality they are just pushing their own thoughts, projections and beliefs onto you. They’ll only see it how they’re capable of experiencing it—which is so limited and fragmented that they actually believe that the whole world and population sees like this too. This is what happens when you live in your own bubble and project your reality onto innocent neighbors and bystanders of your existence. It’s weird. And what can we do? Either play their silly game or walk away. Pray that one day they find their path. It may not be in this lifetime. And that’s okay.
And look, you don’t have to be “spiritual”—whatever the heck that means. You don’t have to believe the things that I believe. Just don’t be a downer. Don’t be a bummer. Don’t be a ball of negativity filled with anger and hate. Be a human. Be a good person. Turn your heart on. Get to know the word empathize. And remember, not everyone’s going to support you on your quest to follow your heart’s desire. People are going to think you’re crazy. They’re going to judge you. Not everyone is going to believe in you. Not everyone wants you to thrive. But I do and there are others out there who do too. If you have any doubt that spirituality exists, look at my life. If it wasn’t for spirit, I wouldn’t be here—and I say this quite literally. I’ll be your number one cheerleader as long as you do one thing. And that’s this- follow your heart.
P.S. I have really really really really amazing news. But it’s not official yet, so I’m waiting to announce it. Hopefully in the next day or so the green light will show. Can’t wait to share with you. I wouldn’t be able to do it without the help and support from my friends (old and new) here in Bali, my friends in the US, my friends in Mexico, my friends all over the globe and MY TEACHERS. Will reveal more on this soon. XO
